


Dark Love

by ilovelocust



Series: Dark Shiro [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sheith Switching, bottom!shiro, dark!shiro, kuro - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:29:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8576752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovelocust/pseuds/ilovelocust
Summary: Shiro loves Keith.  Even Haggar's magic can't change that.  Doesn't mean that love can't be twisted horribly.  Will Keith recover?  Will Shiro?





	1. Shiro Loves Keith

**Author's Note:**

> These are short, because I wanted to focus on specific moments.

Shiro loves Keith. It’s a fact of his universe. He loved Keith in the Garrison. When they spent long hours staring up at the stars, dreaming of the day they’d be among them. He loved Keith during the months flying to Kerberos, only Holts and pre-recorded messages to keep him company. He held onto that love as the arena broke him down body and soul. When they were reunited and fought together as Paladins of Voltron, that love flourished. Now as Haggar removed the scales from his eyes and he took his proper place as a servant of Emperor Zarkon, he still loved Keith. Even though the Red Paladin was misguided and stood against the one true ruler of the universe, the Champion loved him anyways. Lord Zarkon, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, saw this and granted his loyal follower’s wish to show Keith the way or at least to keep him from trouble. He loved Keith, and he would keep him safe. Even from himself…

\----

Keith is angry when they bring him to the Champion’s quarters. He’s been stripped of his bayard and outer armor. Left in nothing but the thin layer of cloth beneath. His arms are bound wrist to elbow behind his back. It leaves him unable to defend himself, when a particularly biting comment against the Emperor’s good name prompts one of the guards to silence him with the butt of his gun. Shiro’s snarl causes both the guards to snap to attention, saluting as he stalks over to them. He makes sure the senior of the two looks him in the eyes and sees his displeasure before he growls at them to leave.

He will have to send notice to any future escorts of the Red Paladin. Force is only to be used to prevent his escape or with explicit permission from the Champion. Keith will be brought to heel. He will be made to understand his new position in the world. What will and will not be tolerated, but he was a gift from the Emperor to his Champion. Disciplining Keith is Shiro’s right and his right alone, until Lord Zarkon says otherwise.

“Shiro?” Keith’s soft worried voice distracts him from the backs of the retreating guards, “Oh God, what did they do to you?” Shiro doesn’t have to think to know what Keith is referring to. Since Haggar freed him from his misconceptions, his eyes have shifted to the Galra yellow. He might have been disturbed by it once, but now the sight stirs no feelings in him.

He smiles softly down at his gift, reaching out to pet his hair, “They’ve shown me the truth.” He says simply. The fear that flashes across Keith face is rather cute.


	2. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro knows better than to take too much to quickly. That does not mean it isn't tempting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-consensual kiss

Beautiful is the only word to describe the sight of Keith in his bed. His wrists tied above his head, clothed only in his boxers, so pretty and exposed. Even the snarl and frantic tugging against his bonds isn’t enough to spoil it. Shiro presses a soft kiss to his lips, then joins him on the mattress. He rests his hand on Keith’s chest to feel the racing of his pulse and the quick rise and fall of his breath. Keith tries to bite him, but he doesn’t mind. He finds the attempts to hide fear with aggression endearing. He’s always been attracted to his refusal to back down. Even if the fear is misplaced. 

He won’t take more than this. A few stolen kisses and the feeling of running his fingers over Keith’s bare skin. Keith may belong to him now, but if he takes too much, forces what Keith is not yet willing to give, then he will lose what he truly wants. He learned from long experience that Keith is not the type to forgive and forget. He hoards his hurts, uses them to fuel his fire to fight off the world. He’s already skirting the line of what he will tolerate. A little more and the soft way of persuasion will be cut off to him. 

He doesn’t want to have to hurt Keith. He wants to have him moan and beg under his fingertips like he used to. Not scream and cry as Shiro breaks him down and reforms him. Patience, he must remember patience. He’ll do what’s necessary if Keith makes him, but taking it slow now might let the him choose the easier road later. After all, he does love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haggar twisted more than just Shiro's loyalties. It's sad when this option is one of the least bad options for Keith.
> 
> No, Shiro doesn't ever get around to telling Keith he has no intentions of raping him.


	3. Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro will overlook a lot of things, but even he has limits.

Keith jerked and gave a low cry of pain as Shiro prodded his arm. It looked like the guards broke it during Keith’s failed escape attempt. He’ll have to check the security footage later to make sure they told him the truth about the damage occurring during the capture and not on the escort back. That was for later, though. For right now, he had to go through the painful process of enforcing his rules. He had been more than generous, overlooking multitudes of misbehaviors, but this crossed a line. He couldn’t let Keith think he could get away with trying to leave. He belonged to Shiro, and it reflected badly on him when someone else had to haul him back to his chambers. He wouldn’t want the Emperor to think him incapable of controlling his gift.

He gave a sharp tug on the rope around Keith’s wrists, to make certain it was secure, ignoring the small sound he made in response. He would not be allowed to dislocate his thumb and slip the manacles again. “Don’t pull, you’ll only hurt yourself,” he said, standing up slowly to survey his handiwork. Keith was on the floor at the end of the bed. His arms tied above his head and back, holding him still in a sitting position. It wasn’t the most comfortable position for his broken arm, but if he did what he was told and didn’t move, he’d be okay. Besides the most important part was not forcing Keith to stand while he was disciplined. He wasn’t unnecessarily cruel. This was punishment and insurance against future escape attempts, not making him suffer for sufferings sake.

“You understand why I have to do this right?” Shiro asked.

“Because Zarkon had his pet witch brainwash you.” Keith said, glaring at him. Always so defiant. Couldn’t make this easier on the both of them.

Shiro kneeled beside him, tried to touch his cheek, but Keith shook him off. He’d been refusing all of Shiro’s touches since being brought to him. He let out a sigh, “The only people who have messed with my head are the Alteans. You’ll understand that eventually.” Shiro said.

It was a vain hope that he might reach Keith, and it was quickly dashed. “Your eyes are glowing yellow!” Keith shouted at him, “How could you possibly think they aren’t screwing with you?” It was like arguing with a brick wall. Keith was absolutely convinced something was wrong with him, and he wouldn’t budge from that position. Sad, but he had all the time in the galaxy to bring him around.

“Just remember this is for your own good.” Shiro said. He shuffled back a bit, grabbing Keith’s right leg with his metal arm. Keith tried to pull away from him, but his new arm was vastly stronger than anything organic could be. The tugging got him nowhere. Shiro gave himself a moment to indulge, running his human fingers softly up and down Keith’s calf. It was bare as always, he hadn’t bothered to give him any new clothes or strip him further. This was his alone to enjoy, and he liked to look and touch.

“What are you doing?” Keith voice held a small tinge of fear. What he was doing was procrastinating. He didn’t want to have to do this, so he was putting it off. He gathered himself together and pinned Keith’s leg with one of his knees.

Cleanly breaking limbs with his Galra arm took knowledge, precision, and strength. He had the knowledge and precision, and the arm provided the strength. At first, Keith didn’t seem to fully register the pain. All he heard was a choked gasp from the bound man, but after he dug his metal fingers in and twisted, Keith gave him a scream. Pain was necessary for the lesson to be learned. He didn’t want to have to repeat this. He kept applying more pressure, adding to the damage, until Keith began begging him to stop.

He let go. Keith’s head fell forward, as he gasped for breath. Shiro gave him a moment to recover, before reaching out and lifting his chin, “Keith, baby, look at me,” he coaxed, Keith didn’t try to shake him off this time, “Are you going to try and escape again?” Keith grit his teeth, preparing to say something he would regret. Shiro didn’t give him the chance, digging his thumb back into the break. Before Keith even finished crying out, he’d let go and grabbed the other leg. “I don’t want to hurt you, but if you make me I will,” He said softly, squeezing hard on Keith’s unbroken leg, “You already can’t run. If you won’t give up trying to get away, I can make it so you won’t even be able to get out of bed on your own.” Shiro searched his eyes. He was in pain and scared, but still not quite able to make that last step towards surrender on his own. “Just say you won’t try to escape again, then this can be over. It’s just words.” It wasn’t just words. It would be acceptance of his situation. Keith wouldn’t be able to escape without both his legs. That’s why Shiro had chosen this specific punishment. He had to know that, and getting him to say it would go a long ways to calming him down.

Keith squeezed his eyes shut, “I won’t try to escape again.” It looked like it physically pained him to admit it.

Shiro kissed his forehead, “Good boy”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro has no clue why Keith thinks he is brainwashed.
> 
> Can you believe the first draft of this chapter was too upbeat? Because it was. I had to completely rewrite the thing, which is why you got it so late in the day.


	4. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith just wants Shiro to leave him alone.

It makes his heart ache when he finds Keith crying. Sitting on the floor propped against the bed, hugging his non-broken leg to his chest and making small pathetic noises into his knee. He wonders if this is the first time, or if he’s been doing this often when he thinks Shiro is away. It doesn’t really matter. What’s important is he’s never been able to stand by and watch Keith cry. Keith notices he isn’t alone when he walks over and sits down beside him. Red watery eyes watch Shiro as Keith cringes in on himself. It should probably bother him that he isn’t bothered by Keith being afraid of him. He’s doesn’t think that has always been the case. Thoughts for another time.

He slips one arm around Keith’s back and another under his legs, meaning to pick him up and hold him, but Keith scrabbles at his arms. Trying to remove him, even going so far as to use his own broken arm in the attempt, “Get away from me.” Keith hisses. Shiro stops. The constant overreaction to his touch has gone past ridiculous. Keith has been his for weeks. He can’t keep fighting him every time.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says, frustration coloring his voice. 

“Just go away,” Keith says, looking away from him and curling back around his leg, away from Shiro.

No, he is not going to let Keith keep avoiding him like this. Securing his grip, he hefts him up and plops him into his lap, “This is my room.” He says, “I’m not leaving.”

Keith’s face falls. He can see a fresh wave of tears carve a path down his cheeks, “Leave me alone, please.” He whispers. He won’t do that. Shiro wraps his arm around him, and forces his head to lay against his chest. He can hear the muffled sobs when he starts to cry harder.

He just holds him tighter and hums a tune his mother used to sing for him when he was small. It brings back memories of before. When Keith would have a particularly bad nightmare or just a truly horrible day, they’d curl up together, taking comfort in not being alone. Sometimes Shiro would hum for him. Apparently, Keith remembers that too. He goes rigid in Shiro’s arms at the sound. “stop” Keith’s voice is small, desperate. Shiro loosens his grip, lets Keith move his head to look up at him. His eyes are so wide, something equal parts horrified and broken written on his face. “Please, don’t..don’t act like, like,” Keith stumbles over his words, unable to voice what he wants Shiro to stop. He doesn’t need to, Shiro’s mind has already supplied the answer. Don’t act like himself. He knows Keith. Knows he’s been in denial that this is actually Shiro. He’s blatantly accused him of being brainwashed several times. He’s finally coming to terms with reality and it’s hurting him.

He lets his human hand slip around to cup his face, running his thumb through one of the tear tracks, “Keith,” he whispers. Trying to lend some comfort, maybe explain.

The effect is instant. Vulnerability is replaced with anger, “I said don’t!” He shouts, slapping Shiro’s hand away. Keith tries to push out of his grasp. Clawing at Shiro’s chest and arms, but he has more broken limbs than not and he simply doesn’t have the muscle mass to overpower him. It’s a matter of moments to secure both Keith’s wrists in his Galra hand and force his head back down to Shiro’s shoulder with the other.

“Keith,” he speaks as evenly he can into his love’s ear, trying to make him understand, “I’m still me, baby.”

“Shut up! Shut Up! Shut UP!” Keith screams at him. It’s all Shiro can do to hold him still as he struggles. Trying to prevent him from re-injuring himself further.

He wants to let Keith go. He doesn’t enjoy causing him mental pain, but it’s like a bandaid. Getting this all over at once is better than drawing the process out. He doesn’t have any magically words to say that will make this all better. If he wants them to move forward, he has to wait him out.

He doesn’t know how long Keith screams and fights, but slowly his curses turn to ugly sobs. For a few blessed seconds, he thinks the storm has passed. He releases his wrists. Softly, he reaches up to pet Keith’s hair. Starts to hum for him again, but Keith can’t accept his kind actions. He repins Keith’s hands before his nails can leave anything deeper than a streak of red across his cheek. Keith renews his struggle, as if he’d never stopped.

That cycle repeats, again and again. Keith fights until he cries, Shiro tries to give him some comfort, tell him it will be okay and that he loves him, then Keith fights some more. It tears at his heart each time, and he thinks he’s hurting as much as Keith is by the end. Even if his love refuses to believe it.

When Keith finally gives in, they are both exhausted. He’s trembling in Shiro’s arms, but for once, he doesn’t say anything or try to pull away, when Shiro kisses his temple. He releases him carefully. Sits him up straight, so he can see his face. He won’t meet Shiro’s eyes, just stares unseeingly at his chest. This state is far from ideal, but a passive emotionally drained Keith will have to do for tonight. He’s too tired to try for anything else.

“Come on, lets go to bed.” He tells him quietly, “You’ll feel better tomorrow.” Keith doesn’t respond to him. If it weren’t for the way he shrinks in on himself as Shiro picks him up, he’d be worried he’d broken something. He still feels like a lifeless doll in his arms.

He’s mindful to be gentle as he lays Keith down, careful of his still healing limbs. He checks them for new damage, before stripping down to join him, but nothing is obviously more injured than at the start. At the very least, everything will hold the night.

He pulls the covers over them both, tugging Keith up against him. He’s stiffens like always. Even his exhaustion not enough to make him relax for long. Shiro slowly rubs his human hand up and down his back. Trying to sooth him. It’s funny. He doesn’t even realize he’s started humming again until he feels Keith stop breathing. He’s perfectly still for a long moment, then Keith shivers once and curls into him. Presses close of his own volition for the first time since this all began.

He hums them both to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Keith cracks there a bit at the end. He's just a bit too tired to keep fighting.
> 
> That's probably the last update for the day. May make some more chapters tomorrow, but I'm a bit busy. Ya'll may have to wait until Saturday.


	5. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is very possessive of his property.

There are two guards in his room. One has Keith pinned to the wall by his throat, forcing him to stand on the toes of his good leg. The other is standing a little ways back surveying. Keith is unbound, Shiro hasn’t seen the need to tie him up since he limited his mobility, but the extra freedom is doing him little good. He’s not in any condition to fight right now. Fury boils through his veins.

He crosses the room in an instant. The guard not touching Keith tries to say something to him as he passes, but he doesn’t listen. Activating his arm is a matter of a thought. The one who laid hands on what belongs to the Champion realizes his impending fate a moment too late to defend himself. His throat tears easily, spraying bright pink blood as he falls.

Before the first guard has even hit the floor, he had rounded on the second. He lets his most feral smile take residence on his face. It’s been the last sight of hundreds of species on the arena floor. These guards were not supposed to be here. No one is allowed into his quarters to touch Keith without his approval. They’ve invited their deaths by breaking that rule.

Though this one seems to think he can talk his way out of it, “Champion, we-I was sent by the druids. The Red Paladin is to be brought to them immediately.” The guard’s voice is impressively steady, even as he backs away.

Shiro follows the guard step for step, “You are trying to tell me, that someone received permission to play with **my** gift from the Emperor,” Shiro didn’t give him a chance to respond, with the speed that had won him countless fights he moved forward, ramming his fist through the guard’s chest, “I don’t believe you” He watched as the Galra choked on his last breath, the light leaving his eyes. Then, he tossed the corpse to the side. He’d get one of the drones to clean the mess up later.

Now he needed to check on Keith. Make sure the intruders hadn’t hurt him in Shiro’s absence. Keith hadn’t left his spot. He’d slid down the wall to the floor, staring unblinkingly at the bodies in front of him, but made no other movements. There were little droplets of pink splattered across his face from the first guard. It was a good look for him.

His eyes didn’t waver as Shiro kneeled beside him, “Hey, baby,” No response, “Keith, honey, did they hurt you?” He didn’t seem to hear him. Shiro snapped his fingers in front of his face, that finally seemed to catch his attention. “Are you hurt?” he repeated.

Keith stared at him a moment, “You killed them,” He said slowly.

Shiro patted him on the shoulder, “They touched something that didn’t belong to them.” He explained cheerfully.

That was apparently the wrong thing to say. Keith’s eyes went back to staring at the bodies. Didn’t he used to be better at this? Shiro interposed himself in Keith’s line of sight. They weren’t going to get anywhere as long as he could see them.

The movement at least got him talking again, “You killed them. They weren’t attacking and you just killed them.” Keith almost sounded like he was trying to admonish him. It was honestly a little annoying. He hadn’t even hurt him, and he was acting as if he’d done something wrong.

“Yes, we covered that,” He said, “They knew you were mine, and what I’d do if I found them.” It was his right to protect what was his. Everyone on this ship understood that, and ignoring it promised quick and bloody retribution.

Keith’s face fell, but he didn’t say anything else. “This is really bothering you isn’t it.” Shiro said.

“It used to bother you too.” Keith replied, something almost resigned in his voice.

“No, it didn’t,” Shiro responded automatically, “I’m the Champion of the Arena remember.” As soon as he got them out, the words didn’t feel right. Something about that last part. He was the Champion. He’d killed hundreds without a care, but the name, didn’t he get it because he spared an enemy? Ugh, his head hurt.

This conversation was going nowhere and giving him a headache, besides. Best just to remove them from it, “Come on, lets go get cleaned up.” He picked Keith up easily, it still made him smile when Keith did nothing to try and stop him. Felt like they were finally making some progress, “This will all be gone by the time you get back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so starts the first time that Haggar wonders if giving Shiro Keith was the best idea. She really didn't count on him being quite so possessive.
> 
> Also, promise this isn't going down the love magically overcomes brainwashing route. More messing with people's personalities has unintended consequences route.
> 
> If everything goes right, may have some smut next chapter.


	6. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro asks a question Keith doesn't have an answer for.

He feels some ungodly mix of paranoid, frustrated, and tired. After the invasion of his rooms, he had insisted on speaking to Haggar about her underlings taking from him without permission. She had already been made aware of the incident when he’d arrived, and claimed that the foolish guards must have been mistaken. Neither her or her’s would ever dream of taking his pet from him. He’d accepted her words for the truth they were. _Haggar would never lie to him._

She’d insisted that he stay for a bit, and they had a long discussion about his progress with the Red Paladin. They’d spoken about this and that, occasionally she’d ask a probing question about if he still didn’t care that his gift was scared or some other trivia. She’d been particularly pleased, when he told her of his punishment for Keith’s attempt to escape. Something gnawed at the back of his mind during the conversation, a small wisp of worry that he was in danger. He couldn’t understand why. _Haggar was to be trusted._ Why did he feel the need to hide that he’d prefer a slow conversion to torture? He was grateful when she finally dismissed him. His head felt like someone had tried to crack it open with a hammer.

-

It was late when he entered his quarters. Keith was still awake, clean and curled up on his bed staring out into the room. It was a sweet sight, and a reminder of one of the things he hadn’t made quite as much progress on as he would like. Tonight was a good night to try for more. He needed the distraction from his thoughts, and Keith had been more amicable to his touches lately.

As Shiro stripped and climbed into bed behind him, Keith closed his eyes and burrowed his head into his pillow. Letting Shiro touch without acknowledgment had become his default response of late. It was better than when they started, but still far from his eventual goal. Hopefully, he would get him to interact a little more after this.

He moved close as Keith studiously ignored him. He ran his fingers down Keith’s stomach stopping at the bottom to trace the edge of his boxers. His muscles tightened, but nothing else. He pressed a kiss next to his ear, and he barely got a scrunching of his nose. “Keith,” he whispered, letting his breath ghost over the shell, “I want you, baby.”

That got him a reaction. Keith’s eyes flew open and he grabbed his fingers, yanking them up to safer territory. “Stop” he said, baring his teeth and looking for all the world like he was going to try and bite him again. Shiro couldn’t help his smile. He reminded him of an angry kitten, harmless but still trying to claw you anyways. So cute.

Shiro shoved him onto his back, propping himself up to hover over Keith. “Why?”

Keith must have taken his question for a threat. The grip on his fingers tightened harshly, as if he could actually stop him if he decided to just take what he wanted, “Because I said so.” Keith said, looking him directly in the eye.

“Not what I meant,” Shiro chuckled, “Why don’t you want to?”

Keith’s grip loosened as confusion took over, “What? Because…because you're brainwashed.” He stumbled for an answer. He’d obviously not been thinking very much on what his actual objection was. Good.

“Not brainwashed,” Shiro corrected, “and that doesn’t answer the question.”

“You’re not you.” Keith explained weakly.

“I am me. Same body.” He dragged the hand holding onto his fingers up to his side, let Keith feel his skin, “Same want.” He dragged the hand down to where his curls started to get thick, Keith flinched but didn’t let go, “You’ve always wanted me. I’ve always wanted you. We’ve been together since the Garrison, so why not?”

“I..” Keith started slowly, but Shiro cut him off with a kiss. Gentle, careful. The point was to open a door. Not have Keith close off even further.

He was beginning to worry he’d moved to soon, when Keith parted his lips and let him in. The press of Keith’s tongue against his own felt like victory. He didn’t rush though. He’d seen a hundred times how celebrating early led to defeat, in situations much more life and death than this. He slowly deepened the kiss, took his time claiming his mouth, before parting to trace the spots of Keith’s body that made him squirm with his lips and fingers. He knew this body almost as well as his own, better than his own some days. He waited until he heard a gasped “Shiro” to return to his mouth. Kissing him breathless again, as he pulled Keith out of his boxers.

He didn’t take immediate advantage. Instead he kissed down his jaw to the pulse point of his throat. Letting Keith cling to his neck and shoulders. He teased, ran his fingers up Keith’s inner thighs and circled his member but didn’t touch anything that would satisfy. Waited until Keith whined for more before he grasped his length in his human hand and pulled up from base to tip. The way Keith arched was gratifying.

He shifted up then. Lined up their dicks so he could encircle them both with one hand, so he could get them off together. He watched Keith as he set their pace. Made sure to keep him moaning and high on pleasure. Never letting him come down enough to think about what he was doing. He’d like to do more, but he didn’t have the supplies. Besides, simpler was better. Anything more and his love might have balked.

Keith came first, gasping then crying out Shiro’s name. Seed spilling on to his own stomach. Beautiful as he fell back and looked up at him with half-lidded eyes. Shiro followed him a little later. Adding his own cum to the mixture, before collapsing beside him, then pulling him close. Keith nestled his head against his shoulder, a tiny relaxed smile gracing his lips.

Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this plan for getting laid only worked because they were sleeping together before the brainwashing.
> 
> You guys got lucky. I sat down to write the first paragraph for this story and everything just flowed from there.


	7. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro's head hurts and Keith won't shut up.

“You know they won’t let you keep me.” Shiro paused and looked up to where Keith was observing his workout. Since he started opening back up, Shiro had gone out of his way to spend more time with him. Some times it almost felt like it used to. Albeit with a very quiet Keith, he’d mostly only spoke when spoken to. Starting a conversation like this was unusual, and Shiro would do everything he could to encourage the behavior. Even if he had to humor his delusions a bit in the process.

“Oh? You think so?” Shiro prompted. He pushed up to standing, and walked over to where Keith was sitting on the bed. There wasn’t really any other furniture in the room, and even with the treatment Shiro had given him-he hadn’t wanted to cripple him permanently-it’d still be a couple months before he could stand on his injuries.

“I know so,” Keith said, “Those guards, the ones you..killed.” Keith glanced away before continuing, “They told me the druids were bored of letting you play with me, and they had plans for how I could serve the empire.”

“Oh sweetie,” Shiro cooed, taking his love’s face in his hands, cupping it gently, “They were lying. No one is going to take you away from me.” He’d kill anyone who tried.

“They weren’t lying.” Keith said, looking up at him, daring him to challenge his baseless assertion. Great, he’d dug his metaphorical heels in. Sometimes humoring him could be exhausting.

“Keith-” Shiro started, but Keith cut him off, “No, listen to me.” Keith said, yanking on his human hand as if he might lose Shiro’s attention, “I figured it out. I’m the red paladin. The Galra have had Red for ages, but they couldn’t ever get her to accept one of them. Now they have me. Do you really think they are going to pass up the chance to figure out what makes our bond tick.” It was the exact sort of conspiracy theory Keith would come up with. A bunch of disparate facts that sounded reasonable when arranged in a certain way, but ended up with you chasing aliens around Area 51. Or Blue Lions of Voltron in the desert, a tiny unhelpful mental voice supplied. A small ping of pain followed it. He needed to stop thinking about this, before he gave himself a headache.

Focus on calming Keith down, “No one is taking you from me.” He said in his most assuring tone, “Haggar promised.”

“She lied!” Keith shouted.

Another ping of pain. _Haggar would never lie to him._ “Haggar doesn’t lie.”

“Gods sake, think about what you're saying.” Keith responded, frustration making him fling his hands around in emphasis, “It’s her job! Even by your crazy beans logic, she has to be lying. She’s loyal to the empire,” Of course she was loyal, and _Shiro should strive to be like her,_ “and she’ll do what’s best for it.” _Never doubt she had the empires best interests at heart,_ “Which is taking me away from you and figuring out how to make more Red Paladins!” Keith Was HIS. The small pain bloomed a hundred sharp edges and tore through his head. He tried to shake it loose. He needed, he needed to stop this conversation. The war between ‘Mine! Mine! Mine!” and the pain was too much. “If you just-”

“Shut up!” Shiro yelled.

“Not until you listen!” Keith yelled back. His Galra arm was still on Keith’s face. He didn’t think. He just turned it on.

Keith shouted, but Shiro held on, let some of the flesh burn before letting go, “Shut up, I said stop talking.” Shiro was breathing hard. He just needed a few minutes of silence to get his head back on straight. Sort things out so the pain would go away.

Keith crawled back away from him, eyes wide with surprise and pain. He saw the exact moment that determination took over, Keith clinched his fists and moved back towards him, this was no longer cute, “No.” Keith challenged.

Shiro’s arm still glowed, he let his grip burn Keith’s upper arm as he hauled him up to see him face to face, flipping it back off after he twisted and cried out, “Be quiet” he said, dark and low. Letting the threat be obvious.

“You said you didn’t want to hurt me.” Keith’s voice was gaspy from the pain, but he didn’t shut up.

“I said, I would hurt you if you made me.” He replied, tightening his grip on Keith’s new burn for emphasis.

To his credit, Keith recovered quickly from the new bout of pain, “I’m only talking.” Keith said through gritted teeth, “You wouldn’t have to unless, I was right.” The pain in his head had been receding to a mere ache, but the words brought it back suddenly. He let go of Keith in surprise. Dropping him back on the bed. This wasn’t working. By the time he inflicted enough pain to make Keith shut up, his own head would have split open. He needed to do something else.

“Think, Shiro, you’re smart. You have to see you’re not important enough to be allowed to keep me in the long run.” Keith implored, as Shiro stumbled across the room to a certain box. It was filled with things he and others thought he might need when Keith was given to him. He’d mostly left it alone, except for the restraints. He founds what he’s looking for and quickly returned to the bed.

“What is tha-” Keith’s voice was cut off as he forced the bit gag between his teeth. A small struggle and the gag was locked behind his head. It was over. Keith’s made angry noises and clawed at the strap, but whatever he was trying to say was blessedly indistinct. 

Shiro let himself breathe. The gag wasn’t a permanent solution, but it would give him a bit of time to think and let the pain go away before he had to figure out what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro may have cracked Keith over the the time he was held captive, but he also revealed a lot about how his brainwashed self thinks.


	8. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro's paranoia is getting worse.

The paranoia grew worse and worse. Little things jump to his attention, a guard gossiping about the Red Lion. A druid asking after his health. The silence that sometimes falls when he enters a room. He’s forced to keep Keith in the gag more often than not. The now near constant pain has become manageable in it’s familiarity, but Keith’s words tend to escalate it beyond what he can handle.

It’s not until Haggar sends him a politely worded offer of aid in Keith’s conditioning, that something snaps. Pain and anger shriek behind his eyes in levels he’s never felt before. They make a maelstrom of his mind, crashing thoughts together and forming something new. _Haggar is to be trusted, **to do what’s right for the empire**. Haggar would never lie to **Zarkon**. **A loyal servant** should strive to be like her._ The Champion is not a loyal servant to those who try to steal from him.

The pain was gone and his course was clear, after that. His eyes, thankfully, retained their yellow glow, so no one was the wiser to his revelation. Maybe Keith was right about Haggar doing something to him, not that he cared. He plotted and gathered information. Now that he knew what she was after, it was easy to tell the witch what she wanted to hear and convince her to stop watching him so closely.

His plan was perfect. He timed their escape for when neither of them was expected to be seen for several days. Slipped out into a busy system, in a shuttle that wouldn’t be missed. Set a course to a backwater where no one would ask questions. He even made sure to secure the Paladin gear they’d both been captured in. He had no plans to rejoin Voltron. He didn’t care what happened to the Empire one way or another, but the emergency beacons in the gear made a good back up plan if someone caught up to him. A fight between Voltron and the Galra would likely be chaotic enough for them to escape both, and even if they did get captured, the Castle of the Lions would be much easier to escape than the other option.

He didn’t discover the flaw in his plan until they had successfully escaped Galra controlled space. Keith had been as eager to avoid becoming property of the druids as he was. He had thrown himself whole heartedly into helping Shiro. Taking shifts piloting the shuttle through hostile territory. Smiling freely and warming his bed without complaint. He’d thought Keith would be happy disappearing into the universe with him. His love had always talked about finding a small shack away from civilization to live together in. His trust was so complete, he never even considered securing the medical supplies. He had wanted to make sure Keith’s burns wouldn’t scar or his bones wouldn’t heal wrong, and he hadn’t be able to afford the suspicion of sending him to a healing pod before the escape, so he’d brought along quite a bit. Including a sedative. 

He woke to a prick and Keith’s voice telling him it would be okay. The darkness claimed him again too quickly to stop.

-

The next time Shiro woke, he was strapped down to a table in a room with familiar architecture. The Castle of the Lions. He jerked, activating his arm and trying to free himself from his bonds. They held without so much as a creak. “Shiro!” Keith exclaimed, he felt a hand grasping his human arm and turned his head to see Keith leaning heavily on the table beside him, “It’s okay. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.”

Shiro felt his lips pull back baring his teeth. Safe, how could he say that after what he’d just done, “You betrayed me.” He snarled.

“I didn’t,” Keith tried to explain, “I’m trying to help you.” As if that was some sort of excuse. When he got out of here, he’d make sure this never happened again. He’d keep Keith nice and safe, in a locked cell for the rest of his life.

“Keith, he won’t understand until we fix this.” A female voice broke in, he heard soft footsteps as Princess Allura came into view on his other side. She held responsibility for this as well. Leading his poor Keith astray with her lies about the Empire. He’d make her suffer before she died.

“I understand, just” Keith let out a sigh instead of continuing.

“It’s alright my boy. Now that he’s awake we can get this show on the road.” Coran spoke, appearing by Keith’s side and patting his shoulder. Shiro growled, of course, were there was one Altean there was another. He’d kill him too, “Princess” Coran gestured to Allura to begin.

“Right,” Allura said, taking a deep breath before looking down at him, “I’m sorry Shiro, this is going to hurt.”

She reached towards him, something glowing cupped in her hands. “Don’t touch me!” He shouted. Snapping his teeth at her fingers as they grew close.

Then the howling maelstrom of pain was back. There was no anger to distract him this time. Just pain as connections between thoughts were severed and hurtled back into positions that might have been natural once, but like a limb held wrongly for too long, they screamed their protests at being shifted back to normal. It felt like it might continue forever, but as quickly as it came it was gone again. Leaving him gasping for breath.

“Is he okay?” Someone asked. He was rattled. Thoughts spun too quickly and set still. Too dizzy to think straight lines. He blamed that for not instantly recognizing Keith’s voice. He felt fingers on his cheek, “His eyes are back to normal. That must mean he’s himself again, right?” Keith said. He could see him. Keith was leaning over him but staring up and across at..at the princess, that’s right. She’s here too.

Keith looked down at him. There was something on his face, “How’d you get burned?” Shiro asked, his voice felt gravely. He wouldn’t be shocked if he’d screamed quite a bit with all that pain.

“You don’t remember?” Keith said, voice tinged with surprise. He didn’t, but then he did. These weren’t the memories lost to the trauma of his captivity. These were merely out of focus for a moment before he settled back into his own head. He remembered the smell as he held Keith while his flesh burned. The imprints of his Galra fingers on his skin stood out like a beacon now. Keith was leaning on the table because Shiro had broken his leg. He’d hurt Keith. He’d made him scream. He couldn’t breathe. “Shiro!” He was a monster. “Let him up, Now!” He’d betrayed those he cared about. “Please, baby, I need you to breathe.” He’d never be anything but their toy soldier. “You’re safe.” The black spots crept over his vision, and he welcomed the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap on your boots. This story's angst machine isn't over yet. Though, this is the last post for today. I'll be back tomorrow with what happens when Shiro is left to pick up the pieces of Dark!Shiro's mess.


	9. Resume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're in a war. There is no time for rest.

Somehow, Voltron continued. The healing pod removed all evidence of Shiro’s sin from Keith’s skin, and two weeks later, when all the Lions became absolutely necessary in a fight against a Galra fleet, Black opened for him without a hitch. He couldn’t understand how she could accept him back so easily. Until after the battle, when Lance pointed out that she had no problems obeying Zarkon. She probably didn’t care what Shiro had done while brainwashed and crazy. Pidge had elbowed him, and he’d been quick to add on that he hadn’t meant it that way. The idea still stuck. Voltron, the universe’s most powerful weapon, didn’t care if its head was a monster as long as he could fight and lead. He wondered what that said about him. Was his darkness why she had chosen him in the first place? There were no good answers.

They were in a war, though. A couple months therapy and a break to put themselves back together with weren’t in the cards. They were forced to resume their normal routine as soon as possible, with only a few small changes to acknowledge what had passed. 

By mutual agreement, Keith moved back into the Red Paladin’s quarters. Shiro missed his presence when he was cold and alone in his bed, and he couldn’t stop himself from cycling through what he could have done to prevent this, no matter how unproductive the thoughts were. 

Training continued, and Shiro excused himself from any exercises that paired them against each other. He’d sincerely wanted to murder them all. Even thought up a couple plans in Allura’s case. He couldn’t stand to mimic those wishes even as practice. 

The hardest change to cope with was the sick feeling he got from watching Keith sometimes. The healing pods couldn’t remove Shiro’s memories. Little actions on Keith’s part would bring back in to focus the things he’d done. Out of breath after training, suddenly he remembered how quick his breathing was when he was scared. Rubbing his neck, the same spot he’d left a burn. He’d all but given up trying to relieve stress with his hand. Turns out most of his fantasies involved one Red Paladin, and he couldn’t deal with the intrusive thoughts, of tying him down while he struggled, that came with them.

The nightmares were pretty bad too. Though, that didn’t really count as a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set up for the next couple scenes. 
> 
> You may or may not get more today. My little brother had a birthday and that took up most of my time today. If not later tonight, definitely tomorrow though.


	10. Fight Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Shiro react to trauma in different and not always compatible ways.

Shiro side-stepped an incoming blow and followed up with one of his own with the Galra hand. The training bot staggered back, providing another opening. The bot was on a low setting tonight. He wasn’t really looking to train, just work out until he felt he could go to bed. A little exhaustion went a long ways to reducing nightmares, and helping him sleep through the night. Exercise wasn’t a perfect countermeasure, but it was better than nothing. Especially since, his favorite nightmare retardant now slept safely away from him in another room.

Speaking of Keith, the Red Paladin’s voice abruptly gave a command for the simulation to end. Shiro turned around in surprise. He hadn’t seen the door open, but Keith must have just entered. His situational awareness was far too attuned to not have noticed him if he’d been there for any significant amount of time.

Keith was standing in the door. Jaw set, fist clenched, expression grim, he seemed to be gathering himself for something. Shiro felt hopelessly unprepared. He was sweaty and tired, and didn’t know why Keith was here. What had he done wrong? If this was about anyone else, Keith would have spit it out already. Only Shiro ever caused this reaction, “Is everything okay?”, Shiro tentatively broke the building silence. He couldn’t make amends if he didn’t know where he’d transgressed.

“You’re avoiding me.” Keith said, fully stepping into the room and letting the door slide shut behind him. He sounded like barely repressed anger. Who knew how long he’d been building up to this.

“I’m not,” Shiro denied. He’d tried to, when they first got back. Tried to give Keith some space to recover away from him, but the Castle wasn’t that big. Short of shirking his duties and skipping meals to hide in his room, there was no way to get away from any of the other Paladins for a significant amount of time. He’d been left with no choice but to constantly be in Keith’s space. He’d kept their interactions as short and strictly professional as possible.

“You’re treating me like glass,” Keith’s voice rose as he stalked towards him.

“I don’t understand,” He said. He really didn’t.

“You treat me like I’m going to break if you look at me wrong,” Keith accused, volume just this side of shouting as he began to vent, “You run away when I enter a room. You barely speak to me. You give Lance pats on the back and hug Hunk, but you won’t touch me. You can’t even look at me without that guilty look on your face.” Keith grabbed him by his vest and shook him. He didn’t know what to say. “You’re doing it now. Stop it! I’m not going to shatter. I can stand on my own. I don’t need you to treat me like I’m some sort of delicate flower.” Keith shoved him back.

“You’re not. I don’t think you are made of glass,” Shiro said. That wasn’t why he wanted to protect him.

“Then fight me,” Keith growled, dropping into a familiar fighting stance.

“What?” Shiro said in confusion, “No. I won’t.” He couldn’t. Not after what he’d done.

“You’re lying!” Keith yelled, throwing a punch at Shiro’s face, forcing him to step back to avoid injury, “You used to train with me every day,” he threw another punch this time at his stomach, another step back, Shiro found himself shifting into a defensive stance automatically, “But now you use every stupid excuse under the sun to avoid sparring with me,” A kick this time, Shiro deflected easily, Keith’s rant was making him slow, “You think I’m weak,” punch, block, “That I can’t defend myself,” Keith attacked, Shiro defended, “You break one stupid bone,” Keith tried to feint, Shiro saw it coming, “And I’m no longer worth your time.” Keith over extended himself, Shiro shoved him while he passed. Knocking him to the ground and giving him a moment to breathe. Keith looked up at him. He looked like he was going to cry.

The whole situation was a punch in the gut. Keith couldn’t believe that that’s what Shiro thought. He loved him. Shiro was the one that was wrong, not him. “Keith,” He stepped forward reaching out to him, “I-” Keith swept his legs out from under him.

There weren’t anymore words for a while. Just grunts of exertion, as they grappled on the ground. Shiro was stronger, had more experience due to his time in the arena, but Keith was no slouch and he wasn’t holding back. Shiro still might have won, pinned Keith down and explained things, if he could fight down the sickening swirl in his gut about how close this all was to things he’d rather forget. His attention was split, and Keith took full advantage. They struggled back and forth, one winning for a bit then the other. It continued until Shiro slipped.

Elbowing Keith’s face with his Galra arm was half accident and half combat reflexes. The hit knocked Keith off, provided a perfect opening to end the fight, but all Shiro could focus on was how Keith was bleeding from his newly split lip. What had he done? The sight of the injury multiplied and took on greater significance in his mind. Keith probably didn’t even notice he’d been hurt, it was so minor, but for Shiro it was a culmination of every pain he’d inflicted on someone he professed to love. “I’m sorry,” Shiro whispered, crawling back away from Keith, “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing!” Shiro registered the anger in Keith’s voice but not the words. He grabbed his own head. Tried to keep himself from flying apart.

“I’m sorry,” He messed up, “I didn’t mean to,” He’d hurt him again, “It was an accident,” This was him, not the brainwashing, “I’m so sorry.”

“Shiro?” Shiro flinched away from a light touch, tried to crawl back further. He didn’t deserve the touch, didn’t deserve the open concern in Keith’s face. He was the monster he’d been made into, how could he keep forgetting that.

He closed his eyes. Tried to block it all out. Focus on his breathing. In, out, in, out. Don’t panic. He stayed that way a long time, calming himself by bits and pieces. Eventually, he was able to see his overreaction for what it was. He slowly opened his eyes.

Keith was sitting beside him now, staring out a nearby window and very carefully not touching him. He was grateful for that. The idea was silly, but he couldn’t help feeling like making contact with him in this moment would taint Keith in some way.

“Better?” Keith asked. Not looking, giving him space.

“Yes,” He answered truthfully, “I’m sorry,” he said again. He didn’t mean for the split lip this time.

“Don’t be,” Keith didn’t need him to explain, “It wasn’t your fault.”

Shiro didn’t respond. He was too wrung out to argue.

They sat in silence for a while until Keith spoke again, “Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been-” Keith cut him off with a look, he sighed and started over, “I hurt you.”

“Haggar and her stupid magic hurt me,” Keith corrected.

“I have the memories of doing it. My body and mind carried it out. Haggar just cast the spell.” He said.

“You’d never hurt me on your own,” Keith didn’t give him a chance to object by pointing out the obvious, “The busted lip proves my point. You barely bumped it and you acted like you’d broken my arm.”

“I did break your arm.” He said.

“No, pretty sure the guards did that when they tackled me.” Keith said flippantly, then grew serious once again, “Without that mojo screwing with your mind you don’t have it in you to do me harm. Heh, even when you did, you could barely do it. Haggar had her magic so deep in your head that your eyes were glowing yellow, and you still chose to protect me by escaping rather than handing me over to her.”

Shiro didn’t know what to say. That was always the thing about talking with Keith. He felt like he’d been cracked open and all his flaws and weaknesses had been put on display, and here Keith was trying to argue him out of them. As if he could absolve Shiro of all his sins, through shear bull headedness.

“Shiro do you trust me?” It was a trick question, he knew, but the truth was Shiro trusted Keith with things more valuable than his life. He nodded hesitantly.

“Then trust me to judge how much risk I’m willing to take,” Keith said, offering his hand to the space between them.

He didn’t want to take it. He’d felt like he’d lost the right to do so, but all the things Keith said earlier were still swirling in his head. He couldn’t let him keep thinking that Shiro saw him that way. Slowly he reached out and laced their fingers together.

Keith squeezed his hand and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to stay mad at someone for avoiding sparring with you, when doing so gives them a mild panic attack.
> 
> Hey, can any of you think of any tags that should be on this story? I feel like the current ones don't say much about what actually happens.


	11. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad dreams are a natural part of recovering from trauma.

_Keith was kneeling in front of him, stripped bare and shivering in the cold air. Hand shaped burns dotted his skin in suggestive horror. Hips, neck, wrists, thighs, imprints of holds he could tell the purpose of even without the sticky evidence smeared on his lips and chin. His eyes were vacant, mind withdrawn from this hell. He was limp as Shiro cradled him, pleaded with him to be okay, head lolling like some sort of broken doll. Tears were clouding his vision when fingers touched his face. He looked down and those eyes were no longer blank, instead lit an inhumanly bright yellow. Keith’s mouth was the one to move, but Haggar’s voice was the one he heard, “What’s wrong Champion? Don’t you like your gift?”_

Shiro gagged, the nightmare left him wide awake staring at the ceiling of his room. That was, that was..He barely made it to the toilet before he threw up. The remains of his dinner swirled down the drain, as he dragged himself to the sink. He tried to calm the frantic beating of his heart. The dreams were getting worse. They’d started relatively tame, by his standards, with small flashes of memory and lots of taunting by his brainwashed visage in the mirror, but they’d been steadily getting more a more creative as time passed. If this kept up, he might have to ask Coran for some sort of sleep aid. Voltron couldn’t afford for their leader to be sleep deprived by his own screwed up mind.

That would be a last resort, he doubted whatever Coran could come up with would be any less addictive than their earth equivalents. Voltron didn’t need a pill popper for a leader either. After brushing his teeth, he stumbled back to bed. He briefly considered going down to the training room to chase the last remnants of the nightmare away with the sparring bot, but too many residents of the Castle kept odd hours for him not to risk getting caught. There was nothing anyone could do about this, and he didn’t want to worry them unnecessarily.

He sat back against his headboard and focused on his lion. Tried to envision each curve and sharp edge perfectly. Crowd out any room for fear in his thoughts through disciplined recreation in his mind. Black was a beautiful machine. He subsumed himself in her. Chasing peace and calm, so he might sleep. Until there was a knock at his door.

“Shiro?” Keith’s muffled voice called through the door, “Are you awake?” Shiro glanced at the time, the Altean clock displayed the middle of their night cycle. Keith should be sleeping peacefully in his own room, not knocking at Shiro’s. He climbed out of his bed and hit the panel to unlock the door. Keith was on the other side of it looking sheepish in his pajamas. “Hey,” Keith greeted him quietly, “Can I come in?”

He should say no. As if he could ever turn Keith away, “Sure,” Shiro said, stepping back and waving him in.

“Thanks,” Keith said, walking into the room, “Did I wake you?”

Shiro closed the door behind him, “No, I was already up.”

“Bad dream?” Keith asked, taking his silence as ascent he continued, “Yeah, me too.” Keith sat down on his bed and preceded to look at anything that wasn’t Shiro. It took him a moment, but he realized he was embarrassed, “Kind of why I’m here, actually. Had a dream about, well you know,” Keith waved his hand vaguely in the air, “and I thought I could sit in bed staring at the wall for a couple hours, or I could come over here and prove to myself it wasn’t real.”

He’d known intellectually that Keith must have been dreaming about what happened, it was a normal reaction to trauma, but this was the first time he’d admitted it. Shiro sat down beside him and hesitantly placed his arm on his shoulders, offering not demanding. Keith didn’t show the same regard, taking the action as invitation to throw his arms around Shiro’s middle and rest his head on his chest. “Are you okay?” Shiro asked carefully, patting his back.

“Better now,” Keith murmured. Relaxing further when Shiro nuzzled his hair. He hadn’t realized how much he missed this. They’d been working towards getting more comfortable with one another. Keith had been particularly aggressive about moving back towards what they used to have. Forcing Shiro to be the one to make sure they didn’t act too quickly. Throwing on the brakes when it looked like one of them might get hurt. He wasn’t the most effective at it. He had trouble denying Keith anything, and he ended up caving more often than not. Still, Keith had been pushing for hugs in the hall or pats on the back after a good training session. This was different. There was something intensely intimate in Keith seeking comfort in his arms in the privacy of what used to be their room. It was a good feeling.

“Can I stay?” Keith said quietly. 

Shiro wanted to say yes. Wanted to enjoy something small and pure after so much darkness, but he couldn’t stop the nagging doubt in his mind that something would go wrong if he did. He needed to be the responsible one. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea,” He said instead.

He felt Keith’s fingers dig in, holding him tighter. “I won’t sleep well if I go back. I don’t like sleeping alone,” Keith had confessed to him months back that it reminded him too much of that time when he thought Shiro was dead, “And if I have another dream, I’d rather be here where I can just roll over and see your eyes.” Keith argued. He loosened his grip on Shiro, then raised up and bumped their foreheads together, “Just one night,” Keith said, “I’ve missed you.” He added, playing incredibly dirty in his opinion.

Didn’t make it any less effective, “Alright,” He sighed, “You can stay.” He didn’t bother adding the one night part. Once he got his foot in the door, Shiro didn’t have the will to throw him back out.

Keith grinned at him in victory. Shiro just dragged them both back onto the mattress, before he could say anything else. Curling around the smaller man, he pressed a kiss to his hair. He’d lost this one, he might as well get to enjoy it. Keith quickly made himself comfortable, tangling one of his legs up with Shiro’s and planting a kiss of his own to his chest. They drifted off like that, lulled by each other’s warmth.

The nightmares still came, but for once, he had someone to whisper him back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go. Might not be up tomorrow, though. I've had trouble writing similar scenes in the past.


	12. Keith Loves Shiro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith try to restart their sex life after everything that's happened.

Shiro felt his back hit the door, as one of Keith’s hands dragged his head down for a possessive kiss and the other fumbled on the panel to lock it. Shiro rested his own hands on Keith’s waist, and did his best to meet him. Far too much time had passed since they’d last enjoyed each other this way. After what Haggar had done to him, and what he had done to Keith in turn. Shiro felt he’d lost the right to ask for anything greater than a hug, much less initiate full on sex. Didn’t mean he hadn’t missed this aspect of their relationship. He just hadn’t felt comfortable breaching the topic until Keith came on to him.

That’s why Keith was in charge tonight. If Keith controlled their pace, decided what they did and did not do, Shiro could quiet the guilty parts of his mind. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He wasn’t taking advantage. This was something they both wanted.

The door beeped as it locked, and he felt the way Keith’s mouth shifted into a grin from where it was pressed against his own. He didn’t know much about Keith’s plans, beyond the part where Keith had whispered “I want to fuck you” into his ear a couple nights before. He wanted to bottom right now, and Keith knew his triggers, so he was fine with not knowing the specific details. Keith’s newly freed hand quickly found its way to the edge of his shirt. With the exact lack of preamble and impatience he come to expect from the younger man, he immediately started to pull it up and off. They had to stop kissing for a moment, while Shiro yanked it the rest of the way over before he got his head stuck in his own freaking shirt, but Keith’s lips where on his again the second they were exposed.

This is what the Champion had wanted that he couldn’t have. Keith wasn’t a passive vessel that tolerated his touches. He was action. Rushing forward heedless of the danger. Dragging Shiro in his wake because he wanted it all now. Shiro tried to return the favor, moving his own hands under the younger man’s shirt. He wanted to feel more of Keith’s skin against his own, but he got batted away. Keith broke their kiss again, “Nuh uh, bad boy,” Keith chided playfully, “I’m in charge, remember. You don’t get to do anything without permission.”

Shiro felt a goofy smile spread across his face, “Sorry sir,” he said, not sorry in the least, “Can I take off your shirt, please?”

Keith’s nose wrinkled adorably at the title, “Don’t call me that.” He complained.

Shiro nuzzled the side of his face. He couldn’t help it, his boyfriend was the cutest thing this side of the galaxy, “How about Beautiful?” He whispered.

This close he could see how Keith’s cheeks went slightly pink, “That’s okay.” He said.

Shiro leaned back, giving Keith a little room to breathe, “Can I take off your shirt, Beautiful?” He rephrased.

Keith seemed to contemplate his question a moment, then he placed a hand on Shiro’s chest and stepped back. He dragged his own shirt off and threw it carelessly on the floor. Before he could finish admiring the sight, Keith grabbed him by the shoulders and spun them both around, “Come on you,” Keith said, walking him backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed, then giving him a shove to make him sit, “I’m not letting you derail my plans. No matter how sexy you act.” He wasn’t trying to. He just honestly had trouble sitting back and letting someone else lead. Taking charge was his natural state. Thankfully, Keith was stubborn enough to not let him walk all over him. It was one of the many reasons he loved him. “Boots off, pants, socks, underwear, everything. Back on the bed, head on your pillow when you’re done.” Keith directed. He didn’t bother making a show of it. Keith only watched long enough to make sure he was doing what was asked, then took off his own clothes and busied himself around the room gathering the supplies he’d collected for the occasion. By the time Shiro was undressed and in position, he had everything they needed laid out within easy reach of the bed.

Keith kissed him again as he joined him. Shiro closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of running his hands on the bare skin of Keith’s side. He was caught completely by surprise when his pillow got yanked from beneath his head, immediately followed by Keith dragging him half a foot down the mattress by his hips. He couldn’t manage more than a dumbfounded “Wha?” in reaction to the sudden change.

Keith sat back on his haunches to fluff his pillow then set it aside, “I needed something to prop your hips up later,” He explained, “Don’t worry. You can share mine if it bothers you.” Keith apparently found his befuddlement amusing. He leaned over and gave him a peck on the nose before continuing, “Spread your legs for me,” he asked, voice promising so many good things if he complied, “And put your hands above your head.” That spread a bit of apprehension in his gut. They’d experimented with handcuffs back in the Garrison, but since his imprisonment Shiro had not been keen on being put in restraints. Keith knew that, and apparently, he picked up on his wariness, “I just want you to hold them there,” He said softly, “You’re not allowed to touch, and if I let you keep them by your side the temptation will be too much for you.”

He eased back out at the explanation. Keith’s reasoning was correct. He was pretty bad at keeping his hands to himself when things got heated. A little extra distance wouldn’t hurt. “Alright, Beautiful,” He said, he had no intentions of letting that go tonight. He moved his arms up, loosely grasping his metal wrist with his human hand. Then moved his legs apart, making room for Keith between his thighs.

He got another smile and a kiss on the cheek as a reward. “You still good with this?” Keith asked, “We can still do something else instead.”

Keith’s offer was serious, and he took it as such. This would be the first time they had sex since the spacecraft they escaped Haggar in, when he’d been brainwashed and Keith had been a prisoner. They didn’t need to start here. Smarter people might suggest beginning with something a little less intimate and involved, but at the same time, he and Keith both needed this. Needed something completely different from what they had while he was under Galra influence. A reassertion that Keith was his lover, his partner, not a possession that Shiro could own.

Shiro nodded, then for clarity added, “Yeah, I’m okay. This is what I want.”

Keith gave him kiss on the forehead and then reached for the lube, “Then lay back and enjoy.”

Green light given, Keith didn’t wait around. He’d never been very good at drawing things out, always impatient to get to the main show, but he was good at sex. Clever fingers and mouth all over. He quickly drowned Shiro in sensation. Made it so he didn’t care if Keith had had him for a minute or an hour. As the fingers he pressed inside him multiplied from one to two to three, Keith was everywhere at once. Using his tongue to play with one nipple then the other to make them peak, catching them between his teeth to make him gasp. He continued to roll and pluck at them with his fingers as he kissed up the column of Shiro’s throat, so he could nip at his ears. The fingers rubbing his nipple moved down to grab his cock at the same time Keith mouth claimed his own. Biting and sucking on his lower lip at the same time his hand worked him to full hardness.

Shiro could be forgiven for forgetting what he was not supposed to do. Anyone would lose their mind when after all that, Keith let his mouth join his hand on his dick. The tongue running up the underside of his cock was amazing enough, but when those pretty lips wrapped around him and sucked the head into the hot wet heat of his mouth, it was all he could do not to buck. Shiro didn’t even think about the hand he let drift down to touch Keith’s hair.

Keith did notice, though. The fingers he had on Shiro’s dick gave a harsh squeeze in warning, which was a terrible way to let him know he was displeased considering how good it felt. It took Keith completely removing his touch for Shiro to realize he’d screwed up, “Arms are supposed to stay above your head,” Keith said, giving him an annoyed glare.

Shiro looked from Keith’s face to the offending hand then back again. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. Won’t happen again.” He said sheepishly, moving it back to its original position.

“Can you actually keep your hands up there while I fuck you, or are they going to be wandering down every two minutes,” Keith asked.

“I can,” Shiro said. Keith gave him a disbelieving look, “Maybe,” He amended. He had good self control, but everyone had limits.

“Would it help if you had something to hold onto?” Keith said. Identify problem, look for solution, that simple.

“Yes.” He said. Something to grip would do wonders for keeping his hands in one place. Unfortunately, the castle beds didn’t have headboards.

“Stay right there.” Keith said, “I’ll be right back.” Keith left the bed to go dig in the pile he kept his Paladin gear. Shiro honestly couldn’t think of what he was looking for. None of their standard gear would be helpful in this situation. Maybe he’d found something Shiro didn’t know about on one of the alien planets they’d visited. “Aha!” Keith shouted victorious. He turned quickly returning to the bed with his bayard in hand. He had no clue what Keith was thinking. He might as well just grasp his own hands. He needed something to pull on, not just hold. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Keith activated its sword mode and stabbed it down to the hilt between mattress and wall.

Shiro quickly reigned in his fight or flight instincts. Just Keith moving without thinking. He wasn’t in danger. Though, Coran might take his head off when he found out they stabbed one of the Castle walls. Also, now that he sort of got the plan, there was one major flaw, “Keith, baby, that won’t stay active when I touch it,” He pointed out gently.

“Red will keep it active,” Keith said, “I told her what we were doing. As long as you don’t pull it out of the wall. She’ll make sure it doesn’t turn off.”

“Your lion knows what you’re doing, and she’s okay with it?” Shiro said, a bit horrified, he couldn’t imagine asking Black to do something like that.

Keith looked smug, fitting himself back between Shiro’s still parted thighs before leaning down to whisper in his ear, “The only problem Red has, is that I didn’t bend you over her console and show you who’s boss as soon as we got back.” Shiro choked a bit at that image, then a bit more at the idea of one of the magical space lions having an interest in his and Keith’s sex life. He guesses he shouldn’t be too terribly surprise. Black had never commented when he and Keith got up to anything in her cockpit, but he had noticed, that in the after glow, he tended to have an urge to shelter the smaller pilot from the rest of the world with his superior mass that wasn’t quite his own. He’d probably have to find a way to ask Allura about this without mentioning specific details.

Then Keith’s fingers were back inside of him and all thoughts of third parties, lions or otherwise, flew from his mind. His hands wrapped around the hilt of Keith’s sword in a death grip. Keith seemed to decided Shiro was hard enough, and took to amusing himself, while he stretched him, by seeing how loud he could get the older man to moan from just playing with his prostate.

The answer was LOUD. God it felt good. Combined with everything from before, it wasn't long before he was desperate. He needed to get off. He needed Keith inside him, and then he needed to get off. “Keith,” he choked out between moans.

Keith’s face appeared above his own, with a mischievous grin he really didn’t like the look of right now. He wasn’t nearly as worked up as Shiro, and apparently enjoying every moment of him being the more desperate one for once, “I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to be calling me,” Keith teased, not even pausing in his stimulation.

Shiro had to rack his brain to figure out what he was talking about, but it did come to him, “Beautiful,” He gasped, taking Keith’s approving smile as a sign he’d said the right thing, “I’m loose enough. Fuck me please.” He begged.

“How could I say no to that,” Keith said. He felt the fingers as they were removed from his hole, and watched as Keith leaned over him to grab more lube for his dick. Watching Keith slick himself up then hastily shove the pillow from earlier under Shiro’s hips, gave him a moment to catch his breath. Which he immediately lost the second Keith pushed in.

He was loose enough, but months had passed since he last did this. Getting himself to relax and accept Keith into his body took some adjustment. His cock never looked as big as it felt inside him. Always caught him by surprise. Keith was starting to pant by the time he was fully seated, but he didn’t move right away. Waited until Shiro gave him the nod that it was okay, before he pulled back and things really started.

Hard, fast, and hot. Keith fucked him like he wanted Shiro to forget his own name. Deep as he could, hard as he could. Sometimes he concentrated on his prostrate, making his toes curls and his back arch sharply off the bed. Sometimes he just concentrated on making sure Shiro felt every single inch of him as he pounded him into the mattress, Keith’s name pouring off his lips like a prayer. Shiro couldn’t come just from someones dick in his ass, but this was the sort of sex that made him wish he could. His dick was leaking all over his stomach, if he got any harder it would be painful. Keith’s hand wouldn’t touch him where he needed it though. Staying firmly on his hips, angling him exactly where he wanted, winding him higher and higher without release.

When the touch finally came, it took less than two pumps and he was coming. Body radiating pleasure, as his back arched and he shouted Keith’s name. His own cum splattering his stomach and chest. He’d barely relaxed back onto the mattress before Keith followed him over. Spilling inside him with a shout of his own. He was a little too dazed to fully appreciate the sight. 

He did get to enjoy when Keith collapsed on top of him and submitted to being petted with an appreciative groan. Big advantage to being built like he was, there wasn’t much discomfort in his smaller lover sprawling across his chest while they both caught their breath in post-orgasm bliss.

As it always seemed to happen. Keith was the first to get up the energy to move. Shaking Shiro off, he climbed out of bed and went to turn out the lights. He came back a moment later in the dark with a wet wash cloth. Shiro let himself lay back and enjoy the feeling as Keith wiped them both off, then tossed the cloth somewhere off the bed. Nope, he wasn’t going to think about the mess tonight. He didn’t resist when Keith pulled him over to his side so he could wrap his arms around him and bury his head in Shiro’s hair. Shiro generally was the one wrapping himself around Keith. Their relative sizes just tended to make that the default, but he really didn’t mind the opposite happening. He’d never complain about Keith wanting to hold him while he fell asleep.

Speaking of sleep, Shiro let out a yawn and snuggled closer, “’night, Beautiful,” He said, closing his eyes.

He heard Keith give an amused snort above him, “’night, honey,” Keith responded, then a little quieter, “love ya”

The words were a reminder. Shiro loving Keith was a fact of his universe, but there was a rejoinder to that fact:  
Keith loved Shiro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks. Hope you enjoyed the ride! Love to here what you guys think. I've been writing this thing for a solid week now, and feedback makes it so much more worth it.
> 
> Edit: By the way, I have a tendency to double back and edit on whims a lot (phrasing, not plot). If something changes between readings that you don't like, let me know as well.


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